Embarrassment and Shame About Going to the Dentist
This article was originally published on www.dentalfearcentral.org
“My teeth are the worst the dentist has ever seen; I feel guilty, ashamed, and scared of ‘The Lecture’. I’m worried that the dentist will berate me, humiliate me, or judge me.”
Does this sound familiar to you? If so, you are not alone. Embarrassment is perhaps the most common concern voiced by people who haven’t been to a dentist in a very long time.
You might feel embarrassed about:
- the state of your teeth
- about “having let things get this bad”
- about your lack of oral hygiene
- about not having seen a dentist for a long time
- about being fearful
or about other things.
Being embarrassed of being embarrassed
For some people, it is not so much the fear of what a dentist will think about the state of their teeth or hygiene that makes it difficult to make an appointment:
“I’m not embarrassed of my teeth, I’m paranoid about all sorts but they certainly don’t look bad, nothing outwardly to be ashamed of certainly. What embarrasses me is my nervousness and anxiety, I feel like I’m being silly and childish getting worked up over something lots of other people manage just breezily.”
There is a great thread on our forum which tackles this topic and the related issue of “Brave Face Syndrome”. You can find it here: Embarrassed of being embarrassed
Being embarrassed of what the dentist will think of the state of your teeth or your hygiene
Maybe you are at a stage where you no longer feel able to smile or talk to other people without worrying about what they will think of your teeth. You may have experienced situations where a dentist (or other people) made you feel uncomfortable, ashamed or embarrassed about your teeth.
This is the vicious circle of dental phobia: whatever caused the phobia initially (be it painful or traumatic experiences, hurtful remarks, or something else entirely) leads to avoidance, which in turn means no access to professional dental care, usually resulting in poorer oral health, and at some stage the results of this “neglect” are perceived to be so embarrassing that it’s totally impossible to see a dentist, even when in pain.
If shame, embarrassment and guilt are keeping you away from seeing a dentist, you’ve got plenty of company!
Fortunately, it’s highly unlikely that any dentist hasn’t seen teeth which aren’t as bad as or worse than yours – if you don’t mind graphic photos, check out this page: “My teeth are the worst the dentist has ever seen!”
It may also come as a surprise to some that the days when “the lecture” was part-and-parcel of a visit to the dentist are gone. Dentistry has evolved into an industry which supplies a service to the potential customer – you!
This development mirrors trends seen throughout society. It used to be common for medical doctors to behave in a paternalistic fashion (“doctor knows best”), but nowadays, we expect to be treated with respect, and be given choices and make autonomous decisions. The rise of the Internet and search engines helped to accelerate these changes, and today, medical doctors have come to expect that their patients will have done their own research and will want to discuss diagnoses and treatment options in partnership with them. As a result, professional distance and dominance has decreased, and mutual participation has increased.
Similarly, most dentists nowadays realise that people want to be actively involved in their own care, and that admonishing people is a sure-fire way of keeping them away. Many now endeavour to make dental appointments a positive experience, not only for those whose teeth are in great shape! This means that your dentist is here to support you, give you options and help you to reach a state of feeling happy about your teeth again.
As always, beware – there may still be some old-school dentists around who see lecturing and negative remarks as a good way of frightening people into compliance. But this has become increasingly rare. If you were unlucky enough to encounter someone like that, keep on searching. There are plenty of other dentists who understand how hard it is to make the first step and who will be happy to support you on your way.
The psychology of embarrassment is pretty interesting. Studies have shown that easy-to-embarrass people have a tendency to believe that others see them as somehow inadequate 1. The good news is that the mortification is mostly in your own mind: research shows that people who are easily embarrassed also tend to be more selfless and cooperative, and onlookers interpret expressions of embarrassment as a sign that a person is prosocial 2. As a consequence, they are more likely to likely to like, forgive and trust you. This makes sense if you consider that signs of embarrassment signal to onlookers that you’re sensitive to social rules and concerned that you’ve transgressed 3.
So although embarrassment is a painful emotion, it serves an important social function. Embarrassment saves face and this is a good thing, even if at the time you experienced it you wished it never happened 4.
Other factors which make a sense of shame and embarrassment so common when it comes to dental fear and phobia include an emphasis on perfect teeth as a sign of beauty or as a status symbol in modern Western society and the fact that (dare we say it) the mouth is an erogenous zone.
It may help to know that from your dentist’s perspective, the situation looks very different. They’ve been trained to help people who are experiencing problems with their teeth and gums – it’s their job to fix these problems. And a lot of dentists view their job as a caring profession – which is what it should be.